Neil Gits A Grasshopper

I am not someone who is totally at home with nature, as much as I have enjoyed plenty of good walks around Essex in recent years, I am usually looking for that special photo opportunity rather than taking note of any wildlife I come across. In the comfort of my own home, I have become accustomed to dealing with various insects when they appear in my house and over my 34 years of living at “Old Gits HQ” I have perfected a tried & trusted method for each situation that may occur …

Bees need to be treated with respect, they are very important for our planet and their sting can be quite dangerous, so should one find its way in through my window it can take all the time it likes to locate an exit, which doesn’t usually take long as they are intelligent and know that my kitchen has nothing of use to them ! Wasps however are nasty aggressive creatures who also pack an unpleasant sting, but are only here for themselves, to get their teeth into whatver nice sticky sugary things they can find (and my kitchen does tick that box !) so I guide them out from a safe distance with a magazine after opening every window wide, but never attempting to hit them … that makes them cross and fire up the venom !!

Flies are mostly just dirty, noisy buzzing things and whilst they won’t hurt you physically, you wouldn’t want to let them feel welcome as they can spread diseases. Unlike bees & wasps, there seems to be no sign of intelligence at all in them and no pattern to how they fly and though giving them a damn good wallop with an old rolled up newspaper may be the traditional way of dealing with one, even if you are lucky enough to strike within the first five swipes, creating a wind tunnel with the open windows using a towel or teacloth is much quicker – and nobody has to clear up the splattered insect afterwards !

Then you’ve got spiders. A lot of people don’t like them … REALLY don’t like them … but they do a good job of quietly gathering up most of the other unwanted insects and having them for lunch ! I almost actively encourage them into my house for just such a reason (there goes any arachonophobe reading this popping round for a cuppa !) They are quiet, they rarely get in your way as you move around , mainly active at night when you’re asleep and if you take some time to look at them building a web, they are very creative. Also, should one actually make a nuisance of itself, by parking it’s eight legs somewhere a child may be caused stress (i.e.making them SCREAM !!!) then the old plastic cup over a stiff piece of cardboard technique works every time – and they may even thank you for placing them back in the garden where not just lunch, but dinner & breakfast can be easily sourced as well …

So what about a grasshopper ? I unexpectedly found one of these odd creatures on the windscreen of my car in the garage recently ! It wasn’t showing any inclination to move, I wasn’t even sure if they could fly or not, and though it crossed my mind, I decided against helping it make up its mind with the windscreen wipers, recalling what a mess the micro wildlife on the motorways make of my car in the summer ! So I just drove off round the corner and within two minutes it had disappeared … somewhere, somehow, leaving me to concentrate on which soul, jazz, funk or disco CD I was going to play on my trip. I’ve found some real gems to share with you from my drives out recently, some of which appeared on a partcicularly strong playlist just last week – have a browse below & tune in soon …

The Tunes – Monday 3rd November 2025

Alexander O’Neal – What Can I Say To Make You Love Me
Average White Band – Cut The Cake
MF Robots – Skeletons
Unlimited Touch – Searching To Find The One
Unlimited Touch – Yes, I’m Ready
Emotions – My Everything
Bill Withers – Ain’t No Sunshine
Aneessa – Just To Be With You
Ronnie McNeir – Keep Giving Me Love
David Joseph – You Can’t Hide Your Love
Aquarian Dream – You’re A Star
Ransome McKenzie & Friends – Orange Grove
Lance Vantile Whitfield – Hot Jam
Chaka Khan – I Feel For You
Gap Band – Someday
Manhattan Transfer – Spice Of Life
Ce Ce Peniston – Finally
Raquel Rodriguez – Don’t You Know
Otis Redding – For Your Precious Love
Bridge – Love’s In Your Corner
(Narada Michael Walden – I Don’t Want Nobody Else To Dance With Me
Tina Charles – I Love To Love
Roy Ayers – Don’t Stop The Feeling
Sir Spencer – Groove

The Tunes – Monday 27th October 2025

D Train – Walk On By
Jackson 5 – The Love You Save
Jupiter Gallery ft Castella – Sunset Drive
Phil Hurtt – Giving It Back
Hi Gloss – You’ll Never Know
Nina Simone – My Baby Just Cares For Me
TMF – Tribute To The Great Ones
Lukas Setto – Can You Feel The Love
Gary’s Gang – Knock Me Out
Sylvester – Dance (Disco Heat)
Heatwave – Too Hot To Handle (Mike Maurro Mix)
Lin Rountree – Pass The Groove
Arnold McCuller – You Can’t Go Back
Monica – Before You Walk Out Of My Life
Phoebe Snow – Every Night
Rachelle Ferrell – Welcome To My Love
Joey Negro & Sunburst Band – Rough Times
Sir Spencer ft Chrissi Poland – You’re The One
Sade – By Your Side
Ashford & Simpson – Love It Away
Evelyn King – What Are You Waiting For
KC & The Sunshine Band – Give It Up
Los Charly’s Orchestra – Fever (Instrumental)

Feel free to get in touch with your soulful request or just for a mention on the show – put a post on “The Old Gits Soul Show” page on Facebook, text (01268)833978 or message me via e-mail : [email protected].

The Old Gits Soul Show is broadcast LIVE from 7pm–9pm every Monday, repeated on Saturday evening from 5pm–7pm, on Gateway 97.8FM in Basildon & East Thurrock, across South Essex on DAB and available nationally via the Radio Player on your TV as well as online via www.gateway978.com You can listen on your smart speaker or your phone too … plus you can hear it again anytime you like via the “Listen Again” button on the Gateway website – just search “Cool Soul” !